Barack Obama, Geoff Caldwell

Obama’s ‘fiscal cliff’ video meets ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000′ truths


-by Geoff Caldwell-

In the latest post-campaign campaign video released by the Obama team, Dear Leader shows us once again that when it comes to obfuscating the truth, fomenting class warfare, envy and division among the American people, and flat out lying to those same people, no one, and I do mean no one, does it better than one Barack Hussein Obama.

Today’s column was going to be a breakdown of how the Obama White House delivered billions of special interest tax breaks to his political cronies in Hollywood, GE, Puerto Rico and elsewhere but yet taxes go up on low and middle income workers.

But while prepping for that column, I came across Dear Leader’s post ‘fiscal cliff’ celebration video sent out for minion consumption.

Not since the last time I cleaned out the barn stalls as a kid back on that Kansas farm have I seen so much B.S. compressed into such a small slice of the time/space continuum.

So for now the dirty little details of the deal that really isn’t will have to wait.

Instead, pull up your coffee, put up your feet and enjoy as the Corner gives Obama’s 3 minute delusion a written MST3K review.

“Hi everybody and Happy New Year, I just wanted to take a minute to give you an update on what we were able to achieve this week, in the face of looming deadlines that would have taken a big chunk out of everyone’s bottom line, you know my top priority has been preventing a tax hike that would have hit 98 % of all Americans in 2013, because the last thing middle class families can afford right would be to pay upwards of $2,000 dollars more in taxes this year.

(But I am not concerned in the least that those very same families will now see their paychecks reduced by thousands of dollars next year because what I’m not telling you is that I let the payroll tax cut expire. An expiration that means an increase to as many as 77 percent of taxpayers and upwards of $1200 more in taxes.)

And thanks to so many of you, because you made your voice heard, throughout this debate, we’ve stopped that middle class tax hike. But we didn’t stop there, we extended tax credits for families with children, and tuition tax credits that are helping millions of families pay for college, we extended tax credits for clean energy companies that are creating jobs and decreasing our dependence on foreign oil, and we extended unemployment insurance for 2 million Americans who are actively looking for a job.

(And those are just a few of the goodies I get to give away in this deal. Wait till you hear about the millions I got for my Hollywood buds, the tax breaks I protected for my very best corporate cronies like GE that will continue to let them shelter income and skirt their US taxes, and how hard I fought to retain the subsidy for Puerto Rican rum. Yes siree Bob, when you hear about all the special interest breaks I got for my supporters you’re gonna be sooooooooooooo proud of me!)

Now ever since I took office my preference has always been to reach a bigger agreement that solves our deficit problem in a balanced and responsible way.

(Y’all need to just forget about that promise I made in ’08 about cutting the deficit in half in my first term. THAT term is over and you suckers elected me to a second so all bets are off now. Besides, 16.3 trillion is so passe, an even 20 or 22 sounds so much better doesn’t it?)

I’ll admit that hasn’t always been as easy as I’d hoped it would be,

(I never dreamed you idiots would fill the House of Representatives up with radical extremist Tea Partiers who are so frigged out loopin crazy they actually think that the federal government should only spend the money it takes in. I mean, come on, where’s the fun in that?

so instead we’re solving this problem in several steps: (Each one perfectly fitted with it’s own jack boot)

Last year we started reducing the deficit through 1 trillion dollars in spending cuts, and the agreement we reached this week will reduce the deficit even more my asking the wealthiest 2 percent of Americans to pay higher taxes for the first time in two decades, so that’s progress.

(Yes, Mr. President that would be at least limited “progress” if any of it were true. But your 1 trillion dollar claim is an out right lie as it cuts nothing but fake long term increases and the Congressional Budget Office scoring of your new deal shows it adding over 4 trillion to the debt over the next decade.)

Just recently, Republicans in Congress said they’d never agree to raise tax rates on the wealthiest Americans, we’ve now raised those rates permanently. Making our tax code more progressive than it’s been in decades.

(Wow, nothing shows Presidential leadership more than partisan, poke in the eye, rhetoric celebrating a fake deal that only makes long term matters worse. I can’t wait to see how well your proposals will be received in a few weeks when you want the debt ceiling raised. And just for grins, why don’t you mention that all those years you and your hacks were bashing the Bush tax cuts as only cuts for the ‘rich’ you were in fact lying to the American people. That in fact, the Bush rates helped far, far more Americans in the lower and middle class income range than those evil “rich” you love to hate.)

Obviously there’s still more to do when it comes to reducing our debt, and I’m willing to do more, as long as we do it in a balanced way that doesn’t put all the burden on seniors, or students, or middle class families, but also asks the wealthiest Americans to contribute and pay their fair share.

(Again with the “seniors, students, and middle class”? Two months ago I’d have asked “How stupid do you think the American people are”? but after November I realize you already knew that just enough of them already were. But the facts are:

Each and every year, millions of wealthier “seniors” get back thousands upon thousands of dollars more in benefits than they’ve ever paid in and could very well afford to pay more for their own,

Each and every year, millions of ill-prepared and ill-advised teenagers head off to college to become “students” only to see almost half of them drop out after a couple years and saddled with thousands of dollars in debt with nothing more to show for it but party memories

Each and every year, the tab for the “middle-class” entitlements goes higher and higher and robs more and more from future generations for no other reason than sustaining the status quo…

So please, enough with the “SSM” b.s. already. Any non-Obama minion knows that you have taken the debt and federal government to such levels that if America is to survive EVERY segment of the economy and EVERY sector of society is going to have to contribute.)

Once we get this done, we can get to work on the issues that will determine whether America prospers, not just in the next 4 years, but for the next 40 years.

(40 years? Really? The way you’re blowing threw money we’ll be lucky to survive the next TWO years, let alone past your second term.)

Winding down the war in Afghanistan in a responsible way,

(translated, cut and run as fast as we can),

reforming our immigration system,

(an open border is a democrat border)

and protecting our children from gun violence.

(never mind the facts, I want your guns and I’m coming for them)

Freeing ourselves from foreign oil and the harmful effects of climate change.

(strap on boys, energy costs are going sky high)

Reforming our schools

(I ain’t gonna actually reform anything in the schools, you can’t be dumb enough to think that I’d actually go against the teachers unions.)

and opening the doors of higher education to more Americans

(more indoctrination to socialist dogma is essential to complete the “transformation” and higher education is essential to that goal)

In other words, making sure this country remains a place where you can make it if you try.

(Translated for all you Julia’s and Dwainbwains out there: “Try” is the new “Do”. The cap to years of every little kiddo getting a trophy for “trying”. As long as you “try” that’s good enough. Hell, if you just show that you “tried” really, really hard to get down to your assigned welfare office we won’t even make you fill out the forms, we’ll just go ahead and mail you the checks. After all, you did “try”, we’re making the “rich” pay for it, and you’re “entitled” right?)

I know many of you devoted much of this year to our campaign, and I want you to know how grateful I am for that. But I hope you stay involved, because just like 4 years ago, winning an election won’t bring about the change we seek on its own, it only gives us the chance to make that change.

(With unemployment among your most ardent supporters in double digits what the hell else were they going go do? Putting time in to ensure you kept the goodies coming was the most productive thing they’d done in years.)

What we fought for in 2012, we’ve got to fight just as hard for in 2013. So when I take the oath of office, I’ll be as determined as ever, and I’m glad that I’ve got you by my side.

(And boy did we fight well. I’ve had some private historians reviewing the campaign, and to a one, they all agree: never in the annals of American history was there a more deceitful, disingenuous, lying, and divisive campaign run by any Presidential candidate of any party. Something we can all be proud of, I know I sure am.)

Thanks everybody, have a great New Year.

(Well it may be “New”, Mr. President but as long as you’re in the Oval Office, no year is ever going to be “great”.)

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"There are two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by sword. The other is by debt." -John Adams 1826

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